There are no rules to this thing --

I work, and then I come to my hot apartment, lie in bed, and wish he was there. I smoke cigarettes, play songs on repeat, drink cold coffee. And never cry. But yesterday, it started.. and didn't stop. In an oversized red recliner, I sat for hours. Though still daylight, storms churned around me, and grey stuck to the windows like soot in the fireplace. I wept. I wept without end. I could not breathe. My throat swelt. I took a pill and sat some more. I fell asleep... but to awake at 2:26 am and cry again. Because you are only a voice on a phone, and I cannot hold you. I cannot hold you when I need you most.

They say loneliness is the human condition, and it seems to be the case... at least til August. Just til August, we keep saying, as we cross off the weeks. We only have 6 more, right?

I almost lost my job today, I believe, as I started to release all the shit in my head around strangers of the public. My boss held me and said, "You need more hugs, baby. The first time I hugged you, you were timid and scared like you'd never been hugged. We're all going to hug you here."

This week has been detrimental, to say the least. But at least I have my coworkers to check in on me, right? 

Today, someone finally wrote back. A box full of white chocolate macadamia cookies, a pack of Pall Malls, a letter, and a CD. I cut the box open, with glee, right in the middle of work. And I couldn't be more thankful for you.  I couldn't be more thankful that someone, 500 hundred miles away, has me in his heart. And that's all I need right now.